We live in a time where people share everything—from their morning coffee to their gym reps, their outfits to their opinions. But what used to be personal moments have now become public declarations.
At the root of it is not just the desire to connect—but the need to be seen and approved.
Every selfie is edited. Every caption is curated. Every post waits for likes, shares, and hearts—small tokens of validation from a world watching through screens.
But here’s the hard truth: we are surrounded, yet many feel lonelier than ever.
The Illusion of Intimacy
We have hundreds, even thousands of “friends” and followers. We’re part of group chats, online communities, and comment threads. But when something heavy happens in real life—grief, heartbreak, a quiet mental health spiral—who do we actually talk to?
Often, no one.
According to Sherry Turkle, author of Reclaiming Conversation, we’re “alone together”—plugged in but emotionally out of reach. We’ve learned to share our highlight reel, not our heartbreaks. We post memes about pain but rarely talk about it.
We know how to get attention, but we’ve forgotten how to ask for help.
Approval Over Authenticity
The need for digital validation runs deep. Posting becomes a ritual of self-worth. It’s no longer enough to simply experience something; now it must be documented and approved by others to feel real.
Filtered photos. Rehearsed reactions. Trends copied for visibility. Even emotions have become content.
But every layer of performance distances us further from real, messy, honest connection.
We tailor our presence for applause—yet the real self is often left unseen, even by us.
The Cost: Shallower Relationships, Rising Loneliness
This obsession with digital validation comes at a cost.
Psychologist Jean Twenge, in iGen, found that the more teens and young adults engaged with social media, the less happy they reported being. Loneliness and depression soared, even while screen-based “friendship” grew.
And studies by Holt-Lunstad et al. have shown that loneliness now rivals smoking and obesity in terms of health risks—because we are not meant to thrive without meaningful, face-to-face relationships.
A Call to Reclaim the Real
You don’t need to be seen by everyone. You need to be truly known by a few.
Real connection doesn’t ask you to post the best version of yourself—it invites you to show up as you are.
So maybe the next time you feel the urge to post for likes, pause and ask: Who can I call, visit, or sit down with instead?
Because no amount of hearts on a screen can replace the warmth of someone who sees you—not the filtered you, but the real one—and stays.
Sources / Citations:
- Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age.
- Twenge, J. M. (2017). iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy.
- Holt-Lunstad, J., et al. (2015). “Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality.” Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227–237.
“When you shape yourself for approval, you lose the shape of who you really are.”